EXPERIENCE AND PAIN. . .

EXPERIENCE AND PAIN. . .

-when trust chooses a fictional world

 

-SANGHAMITRA GOGOI

MACJ

 

‘first time i experienced pain’- this was the only line which she told me out of her deep secret. Let me brief you about this friend of mine named Kalen. She was the only daughter born to Mrs. Leena Antonio and Dr. Paul Henry. Kalen like many other children was a happy go lucky kind of a girl who loves painting, specially wall painting, jokes apart. Now when I say she loves painting doesn’t mean she is Picassos kin, rather she represented the other half of Picasso. Her painting would comprise of stick figures glued with water colour. Colour in fact played a dominating part during her teenage years. She loved playing with colours no wonder when she experienced the colour of life in reality. She floats like ‘Rapunzel’ whenever she would get the beats. She was one lovely princess in her fairy world and this she would repeat to herself whenever we meet her- ‘i love my red colour dress and people around me, hear so much goodness in it’. She was the second version of Russel Peter in our entire society, she make souls laugh along with the rhythm of her endless chatter. We would say- Kalen! You should break down your jokes. Now when I recall these lines at times i wonder ‘wish I never restricted her in speaking too much’. I remember aunt Leena expressing her worry regarding Kalens poor grades in the subject of mathematics. She would complain her mother how she finds it hard to play with those single numbers.

It all happened in the month of October. She was in her 4^th grade when a mathematics teacher was appointed to her on this subject. According to my aunt, Kalen is lucky to have him as her tutor and that he would company her in every decision she makes. Slowly and gradually we learned that she was progressing successively in her course. Her grades were improving tremendously. But then i could smell something mysterious about her change gestures. She would speak less unlike those days when she would come to me and would share her routine events. She stopped complaining about her dislikes and would keep herself confuse and aloof.

But then one day i stood and sat next to her and i could sense darkness surrounding her happiness. She would signal me a corner eye and would shift her vision again. Within few second she turned her chair and kept my hand on hers and said ‘first time i experienced pain’ with utter sorrow and left. This stringed an eco on mine where for a second i couldn’t possibly find out the reason behind why a child would say this so sudden. I offered her games, games we use to play very evening. She would refrain herself and would carry herself back to a place where she would be away from the eyes. Days would pass by but her voice and her liveliness was tugged deep inside.

After several years we saw her moving along with the pace of life. After she became a senior software engineer at the Infosys she was lead an independent life. There was much talk about her regarding marriage but then each time we placed this topic on her shoulder, she would deny the fact of accepting this institution.

Is this what we call as overtly mature or is there a story behind this maturity?

Then came out the darkest secret about her life, when she gathered courage to call her mother and say her every confusion which she could not solve when she was a child. She started with a deep sour throat, her pain and sadness could be traced down through her voice that even the receiver felt ashame of lending and ear to it. It was a case of sexual harrassment where she was harassed by her own mathematics tutor. She would describe the pain she felt when her not so matured parts were touched upon by an unknown hand and that she thought it was a game he was playing. The only punishment of getting a wrong answer was terrific.

Is this how our tutors punish their students?

The man who she thought was her teacher, a guide, a brother and a pathfinder. A person  who her parents thought would change her future literally changed her life. And now she decides to envelope this memory filled with her past inorder to guide the soul next to her. There are similar cases which happens at the periphery and about which we still are ignorant.